Where to Begin

I've been away for quite sometime. We all know the cliche, life gets in the way. And yes, life has definitely gotten in the way recently. Over the past several weeks, I've done a tremendous amount of introspection. What triggered this sudden need to take a closer look? A few weeks ago, something rocked me to my core...funny how that works, but that experience is what took me to snap out of my current haze and open my eyes. And to be honest, as much as I didn't want the outcome to be what it is (and don't want it) and as much as I wish I could have realized it sooner to prevent said outcome...I don't think I would have made the realizations I have without it happening. And I know what I'm saying is quite vague, but the experience is not something that I'm ready to openly share just yet (and for those that know me and are aware, I trust that you will respect my privacy).

The funny thing is, that not too long ago I knew that something was wrong. In a conversation with my best friend and love of my life, I said to him that I don't know who I am anymore. We talked about it for a bit and then moved on to the next topic of conversation. And oddly enough, by saying out loud that I didn't know who I was anymore wasn't enough to make me pause and figure out what was going on and what I needed to do to address it. Why? Maybe I was scared, or wasn't ready to truly admit it or know where to start or wasn't ready to face it head on. All I do know is by trying to sweep it under the rug completely blew up in my face.

So what did I do? What am I doing? I started to dive deep into the person I had become...and let me tell you, I didn't like a lot of what I saw. Sure, there's still a lot of good qualities and while no one is perfect, some of my imperfections had taken such a strong-hold over me that it was hard to see the good. Those suffocating imperfections include: stubbornness, pride, selfishness, jealousy and insecurity. Not easy to see or admit either.

How do I fix this? How do I heal? I turned back to my faith. I turned to the One that no matter what I do, no matter how bad it is He will be there to embrace me and give me all of His love, patience, kindness, strength and forgiveness. By placing my faith and trust with God, I know He will help me through. God has a plan for all of us and through this I'm hoping I can understand His plan for me.

More to come, so stay tuned...it's going to be a voyage of discovery.